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- Adriana Lima Bikini Pictures Unleash the Booty Beast in St. Barts
As I recall, St. Bart was the patron saint of all things celebrity sextastic and bikini asstastic, though I could have paid more attention in theology. His island certainly has became the haven for all things sweet and passion inducing when it comes to Victoria's Secret bikini modeling shoots. Adriana Lima is currently taking her turn primping and preening in a two piece down in St. Barts, and, damn, I think I'm about ready to ascend to the heavens myself.
There's so so much to lust about Adriana Lima, but if you're not appreciating her booty today, I feel like you're not seeing the forest through the trees. Something like that. Enjoy.
- Humpday Huzzah! Lucy Collett Topless Lingerie Pictures To Soothe All That Ails You
You laugh at me when I say that beautiful bouncy funbags can save this world. I know you do. I can hear you. I'm like Carrie on Prom Night, but a little less clueless. So, go ahead and mock my crazy beliefs, but I still have true faith in the fact that glorious boobtastic displays like the perfectly plump roundabouts on the frontside of Lucy Collet can heal any and all ailments, Both physical and emotional.
This midweek tradition of celebrating bodacious boobs is more than just a visual treat, it's a healing ritual. You may have an entirely different belief about achieving peace, but I assure you this, my belief is much hotter than yours. Enjoy.
(For more glorious Lucy Collett hotness, be sure to check out her official site at Lucy-V.com)
- Maria Fowler Barely Covered Topless Glorious Ginger Hotness in Loaded
We first came to know Maria Fowler through her participation in the craptastic The Only Way Is Essex reality show. But we soon came to lust her through her various low cut dresses, panties peeks, and just exhibition of her faptastic ginger topped body. Well, this is what you might call the coup d'grace. Or I would, because I only know three or four things in French and probably spelled that one wrong as it is.
But this pictorial in Loaded magazine of the deliciously curvy Maria Fowler is simply and ridiculously sextastic. Wow. Almost makes me long for the time I used to feel magazines in my hand, in the dark, in my room, with a flashlight, and a lot of impure thoughts. Those were the days, only they didn't include Maria, yet. Enjoy.
- Audrina Patridge in Yoga Pants Should Make Me Happier (Why Am I Not Happier?)
Because Audrina Patridge is clearly wearing panties beneath her thin stretchy black yoga pants. Silky lacy little things, no doubt, but still, where will our camel toes of tomorrow come from if our sextastic celebrities begin wearing undergarments beneath their stretch pants? You know I only bring up cultural matters when they are of the utmost significance.
I dig Audrina Patridge. If she learned the Quiet Game, she could be the perfect girlfriend. One killer hot body, good looks, the whole package, But if she's going to be part of this un-commando revolution taking place in Hollywood right now, I might just have to actually throw her out of bed. Enjoy.
- Courtney Stodden Being Herself and Other Fine Things to Ogle
Courtney Stodden rocks the short shorts (Celebuzz)
Arianny Celeste plays strip trivia (WWTDD)
The models of Maxim rarely disappoint (Fox News)
Megan Fox makes turtles sexy (Popoholic)
Hot and tiny: our favorite female gymnasts (Ranker)
Cameron Diaz lets us enjoy her wardrobe malfunction (The Superficial)
Jessica Nigri - we don't know you but we love you (The Chive)
- Shanna Moakler Says 'Breastfeeding Is Incest'; Let's Look at Her Nekkid
As you know, my favorite new game here on Egotastic! A celebrity pops her head up in public to say or do something less than smart, and we just have to look at them nekkid. I suppose that doesn't make a lot of sense, but try explaining the rules of baseball to an alien and watch them roll their eyes too.
Shanna Moakler has been in the news this week because she told TMZ she believes her sweet funbags are reserved only for sex and that feeding a baby from her udders would be tantamount to incest. That's an odd thing to say. It makes little sense. But, hey, you feel like you feel. And if you start getting into the mind of Shanna Moakler, well, that's a corn maze you do not want to enter.
Instead, thanks to our friends at Playboy Plus, let's just look at Shanna nekkid. It's where she really shines. Not saying anything stupid, just looking ridiculously hot without any clothes on in Playboy magazine. Admittedly, if I were her son, I can see the incest thing coming up, but more so as a teen, less as an infant. Enjoy.
- Blake Lively Gets Paid to Have Nice Legs (and Earns Her Paycheck)
We've really kind of missed Blake Lively as well. Not sure why the long legged statuesque hottie went on the down low in the past year or so. Perhaps the reveal of her intimate topless photos or maybe her complicated love life, or what her P.R. agent would likely call a 'hectic schedule'. But we've missed sextastic Blake, most definitely including those long never-ending legs of hers, on fine display during a photoshoot in The Big Apple.
And fine gams indeed. Just by my calculations, if I began literally inching my way up her legs at the ankles, I could be in heaven by lunch time. That might sound sexually suggestive, so I guess this post gets an R-rating. Enjoy.
- Michelle Rodriguez Cleavetastic on the Fast and Furious Red Carpet
I'll say this for Michelle Rodriguez, she's one smart cookie. Okay, two things, she also has some nice chest puppies to take to parties and fancy gatherings. Michelle countered her butchy images, especially in the Fast and Furious film series, by hitting the big London premiere of FF6 showing off more lady skin than really anybody else in the place. Smart move. And, hot move.
So now we're talking about Michelle's chest, which was her plan all along. Sometimes a lady needs to whip out the guns and kick ass to get what she wants, and sometimes she needs to flash her sultry ta-ta's. Those who can do both are keepers. Enjoy.
- Bar Paly Swimsuit Pictures Give Us Pain in Our General Gain Regions
Okay, I stretched a bit on that title, but Israeli hottie model Bar Paly now on the silver screen in Pain & Gain, really deserves some more eyeball attention from the gentleman ogling crowd. She is one hot muffin, to use breakfast terms we can all identify.
Featured in this month's Max magazine in Italy, the world-class model puts on a swimsuit show of heavenly proportions. At least, my definition of heaven. Hot Israeli blondes is a strong start. Enjoy.
- Seren Gibson Topless Wonderments Playfully Purposed for Front
We haven't seen luscious brunette glamour model Seren Gibson in some time, so this is quite a treat. The hot and boob-heavy sextastic little lady brought along her friend Tamsin for a display of frivolity and passion inducement of the pillow fighting sorority girl kind for Front magazine.
There's something to be said for two wicked wanton young women having a naughty sleeopver party and biting each other's panties -- and that thing is 'awesome!'. Welcome back, Seren. Please don't ever leave again. Enjoy.
- Megan Fox Getting Cleavy With It on Set of 'TMNT'
Now, we're getting somewhere. Megan Fox finally in her April O'Neil wardrobe on the set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which by sheer force of Foxiness, I'm going to be compelled to watch, so I hope it's not too horrible.
This is really one of the first times we've seen the new MILFed out version of Megan in some form fitting, cleavy outfits and, well, I suspect we're on the verge of something truly wonderful here. Megan Fox has also been a Top 10er in our books, she hit the skids a bit with her marriage to Brian Austin Green Self-Employed (B.A.G.S.) and her addiction to oversized grubby clothing and big covering hats, but, when Megan Fox turns it on, she can still hit the high notes with the greatest of ease. Enjoy.
- Staci Noblett Super Sextastic in Pabo Lingerie
This naughty Pabo Lingerie company is really staking their claim at one of my favorite lines of silky underthings courtesy of hot models like Staci Noblett showing off their boudoir wares.
The British glamour model lent her substantial bodily and boobtastic talents to the promotion of Pabo's line of bras and panties for the discerning, yet horny young modern lady. I might be reading into that last part a bit, but staring at Staci's modeling skills in next to no clothes has my mind swirling a bit with thoughts of two the of us shipwrecked on a desert island, and me needing Staci's undergarments for some made-up survivalist chore. Oh, she will be angry when she discovers my ruse, but it will be too late. Enjoy.
- Jennifer Nicole Lee Bikini Peaches in the Big Apple
Fresh off of the grand opening of her signature gym in Manhattan, Jennifer Nicole Lee, the BBW turned MILFtastic fitness guru, took to the rooftop pool or her hotel to flash the net results of her workout regimin in fine bikini fashion. Something about that asstastic just cries out, 'make me a mom all over again'. At least, that's what I hear when I close my eyes and really listen.
Jennifer Nicole Lee has an inspirational soul, a business mind, and a killer body. She's going to go pretty far with this whole exercise business of hers. Let's just hope she never forgets her roots -- dripping wet bikini booty candids. She does it quite well. Enjoy.
- Kendall Jenner Bikini Pictures Are Big Time for Agua Bendita
Kendall Jenner continues to climb the Kardashian ladder of success, landing an Agua Bendita campaign shoot that got the taller, leaner, hotter looking Kardashian sister into a skimpy bikini for the Spanish-leaning bikini swimwear line.
While we're not allowed to officially comment on the body views of Kendall Jenner for another six months, I think it's fair to say that numerous ocean-going mammals had a little extra drag beneath their torsos as they viewed Kendall on the beach in her tiny two piece. Let's be honest, Kendall was born to model, not much else, but she's going to nail that one thing. That's actually an accomplishment.
In case you're interested in seeing the backside of Kendall, check out her additional Agua Bendita swimwear shoot photos on WWTDD. Enjoy.
- Paula Fel Mas Mas En Fuego Y Topless en Revista Sudamericana
Oh, yeah, check out my Spanish, gente. Who says The Rosetta Stone is full of it.
More importantly, check out Paula Fel, one super fine Uruguayan celebrity model getting strippy with it in H Para Hombres magazine. Just simply a ridiculously hot body and the kind of girl whose mother I will now impress with my sub-mediocre Spanish. Besame mucho, Paula. Todo era un hombre. Consider this deal done. Well, maybe. Enjoy.
- Nina Agdal Swimsuit Pictures Score Again With Hot Hot Heat
Nina Agdal can make any swimsuit look just epic. Not quite as epic as if she were to take off the one she's wearing, but as far as promoting the shizz out of a $120 piece of Lycra, she really does a stellar job.
And that's why there's a line to hire her. Like Penti Swimwear, which got her to model their latest and greatest and just look ridiculously hot, in hopes that ladies across the world will see themselves in Nina. I can tell you as a man that I often see myself in Nina. It's quite a vision. Enjoy.
- Farrah Abraham Backdoor Teen Mom DVD Giveaway!
Okay, technically the tape is known as Farrah Superstar, not Farrah Abraham, lest her family fall under any shame in her small hometown in Iowa where backdoor sex tapes are made daily, but not talked about in public.
But, bigger news, I've got DVD copies of Farrah Superstar Backdoor Teen Mom to giveaway to you, our faithful denizen. Just imagine how popular you'll be at parties when you flash your authentic Backdoor disc to the adoring ladies. Time to get lucky.
I set up a Twitter account for RealBillSwift. A place where I can tell you some of the things I can't tell you on Egotastic! because the FCC and Interpol and the World Conspiracy Council would take me away in their silent helicopters.
*** In five words or less, tweet your imaginative color description of Farrah Abraham's bunghole to @RealBillSwift and the couple best descriptions will win a copy of the DVD still minty fresh in box, all nice and pretty.Enjoy.
- Maria Sharapova Long and Lean and Tan and Lovely
I'm going to say it. Yes I am. Tennis has the best looking professional female athletes. Oh, sure, throw some bizarre minisport at me that has hotter pros. And throw me the names of some sextastic female golfers who are a tad bit more smoking because they like to get it on with other women. Sure, sure, and sure. But, on the whole, the award goes to tennis.
And somewhere up in the A-lister tennis babe ranks is Maria Sharapova, the blonde hottie import who not only performs at an elite level, she provides visual treasures like a pro, as in her mini pictorial for Esquire Latin America. I'm not sure how the Russian found her way into Esquire Latin America, and I do not care. I just want to stare and smile and bounce some balls. Enjoy.
- Blake Lively Goes Formal and Other Fine Things to Ogle
Yep, Blake Lively looked hot in NYC last night (Celebuzz)
Jessica Alba = public indecency (WWTDD)
Farrah Abraham gives us more sex tape talk (TMZ)
A compendium of hot female villains (Ranker)
Anne Hathaway and more ladies who went bleach blonde (VH1 Celebrity)
Even more hot Star Wars girls (COED Magazine)
Bouncy GIFs are the best GIFs (The Chive)
Carrie Underwood is your new NFL sex symbol (Gossip Cop)
- Jessica Alba See-Through Bra! Hello Jessica Alba Boobs!
Wow, I'm not sure what possessed Jessica Alba, the uber-sextastic mother of two, to choose this particular revealing outfit for Manhattan Spring stroll, but I'm ever so glad she did. Some very nice peeks at Jessica's glorious peaks pretty much bare to the good parts. Oh, happy days.
Jessica Alba has been dressing so conservative of late I wasn't sure we'd ever see anything like this ever again. And, yes, I cried a little thinking those dark thoughts. But I turned recently to positive thoughts only. The power of positive thinking is tremendous. Though not nearly as epic as Jessica's bare mommy potatoes. Mmm. Potatoes. Enjoy.
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